DaveDoesKnotWork!

Disclaimer (Read it, Learn it, Embrace it, Live it!)

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Schedule A Charter

Right off the bat, I'm going to apoligize!

Here it comes the fine print.
I don’t see how anyone can get hurt using my products but if you do it is your fault not mine and besides because I have kids I’m broke anyway. Be sure your lawyer knows that before he takes the case.
More fine print.
Offer void where prohibited this includes wherever this product is illegal and/or immoral and/or unethical and/or just too plain silly to be taken seriously. This would include at least one county in every state of the union (or parish, in the case of Louisiana (Parish? What's with that!)), U.S. territories and possessions, current and/or conquered or bought or stolen in the future.
Offer void if you have ever crossed the street without looking both ways and/or have not brushed your teeth after every meal.
Offer void to anyone who should just plain know better or if you have ignored a "slippery when wet" sign in any fast food restaurants with in the continental United States.
Offer void if the period between your dental appointments has ever exceeded 6 months in most cases or in any case 1 year.
Offer void if there has been any contact of this product with bears, living or dead; sharks, living or dead, real or imaginary; metaphor or not; or if the product has ever been within ten feet of any children, male or female, under the age of five. Please do not try this at home but if you do, don't let your mother or my mother know.
Offer void if you have ever ran down the hall with scissors or cut something with a knife by drawing the knife toward you.
Offer voids if you have ever uttered the words "Hey, fellas, watch this!" while:
A) holding on to a rope that is tied to a tree limb on the edge of a cliff with water of an unverified or simply  unknown depth below; or
B) riding in the back of a pick up truck. That has never led to a positive end.
Offer void and all bets are off if you have ever swam in water of any depth  within one half hour after eating anything (and we mean anything).
All bets are off completely if you have ever ridden a motorcycle barefoot or mowed the lawn with a power or push mower while wearing flip-flops.
Don't expect complete satisfaction from this product if you have more than four dogs living under your porch, if you ever had cinder block book shelves (after leaving college) and/or have ever uttered the words " Hot enough for you?"
We are not responsible for damages, real, contrived or imaginary, physical or mental under any circumstances at any point in time, no matter what time zone you are currently residing in or will reside in the future, no matter what city, state, county, parish, town, township, unincorporated sections of the county, village, hamlet and/or wide spot in the road within which you now reside or may ever reside within in the future, no matter what.
Offer void if you are under the influence of any drugs; legal or illegal, over the counter or prescription, herbal, good or bad; or if you are under the influence of alcohol, beer, wine (cork stopped or screw capped) or spirits of any kind.
Offer void if you are under the influence of an evil woman, good hearted cowboy or taxi driver, any devils in blue dresses (male or female) or Judy in any other disguise, children of any age and/or chocolate and/or caffeine. 
Offer void to any person who has ever said “Oh, I just forgot about it” when air port security finds a gun in your carry-on bag.
Offer void to any air port security worker (former or current) ever having said "Oh, I must have just missed it." referring to the above captioned carry on bag.
Offer void if your mother has ever referred to you as a “slack ass, tank ass and/or dumb ass,” because if she’s given up on you we have too.
Offer void with no guaranties or warranties expressed or written in any media, current or devised in the future,  to anyone who has rebuilt a house that was flooded out more than twice in four years.
Offer expressly void if you have ever believed or think you will ever believe in the future any utterences of a merchant seaman verbal or written about anything, at any time, under any circumstances.

Ok, are we clear on all this? Well, then, have fun!